I have some words burning in me, and I’m not sure what they are or where to put them, but my judgment is that they belong here, shared with you, giving insight and perspective about how things are in Salem. As I wrote out the date, I heard: “Ten-four – copy that!” This phrase seems to resonate with me today, the ease with which we as a team are communicating our needs and expectations. When more words are required, they happen, but we are continuing to be rooted and established in love. From a place of love, we are finding encounters happening. In particular, I’m aware of the owner of the house from whom we are renting. Patricia, with her three boys, and having multiple chances and ways to love on her, to serve her. This morning, with tears in her eyes, she said “I haven’t had that” – it brings me great joy to be part of a team that is loving and serving in practical ways.
This week seems to be about establishing and holding space. We are building, both physically and spiritually, boundaries from a rampart perspective. I still don’t really understand what that means, (which is probably a very good thing because it will keep me spiritually attuned and not doing it myself) Multiple people on the team have been having dreams and more than one of them has been about me being a guardsman, specifically at headquarters. My role is largely one of team support, feeding and having a place to come home to, a “team mom” kinda thing. I have great joy in loving on the team this way, serving through creativity, nourishment and yummy-ness.
I am struggling with getting good sleep, feeling rested. This is an unusual thing for me, as I generally sleep well, it’s challenging to face my health issues, my shadows in such a public and vulnerable way. My struggles are hard to hide, and leave me quite exposed. However, in this, I find that I’m safe, and I desire for others to know this kind of safety – to be able to walk in this. I speak up, I share, I listen, I ask for help. And still, I’m guarded – finding a balance (is that what it is? Or is this fear?) between self-compassion, old stories, old filters, new responses, and new mission of giving and receiving love.
I feel a great desire to pour my creativity into this event, and find that my “usual” ways of being creative aren’t really what’s needed or appropriate for this venue. In turn, I’m asking Spirit, what ways are you asking me to pour into with creativity? It seems that I’m getting one small hit at a time, one step that illuminates the next and the next.
I’m aware of a felt need for touch, (safe, non-sexual touch) that is being awakened and the more I get, the more I want snuggles and hugs and flopping and puppy piles. Acknowledging this just now bring tears to my eyes. How much more for those who don’t have this? For those who need a safe Spirit touch? Who are so malnourished that they no longer can even feel a hunger for it? And THAT is why we’re here in Salem.
For the team, there is a spoken sense of things being very different here this year. As a first timer, that holds little meaning for me, and I find myself asking from a place without an agenda “What is this supposed to look like? How do you (Spirit) want me to show up? What does the space look like from Your creative vantage point? Spirit, give me eyes to see.”
So for now, these are my rambling thoughts, not cohesive, and no thesis to speak of. I’m operating from a place of being curious about what God is doing and how I fit into the picture. Thanks for praying for us.